Today was a blah kinda day. Just feeling a little sorry for myself I guess. It began last night with what I thought would be a pick me up. I took my first shower in 13 days last night. I must be honest. It felt good, but not great. I was expecting more- maybe like the feeling of standing under a waterfall and having water pour down over me. But it was far from that. Instead, I spent a few minutes trying to figure out how to get upstairs, then with Mom and Ben, I scooted over onto my shower bench, and used the handheld shower head to wet my body, piece by piece, staying chilly most of the time. It was uncomfortable, even with a sponge on a handle, and it only lasted a few minutes (earlier in the day I had warned Ben that my shower might last 30 minutes since it had been almost 2 weeks). Getting out was as difficult as getting in. I then went to my bedroom and had help getting dressed. They then stacked pillows in the bed to see if I could get comfortable there. Nope. I tried for about 45 minutes. Lying down, sitting up- nothing worked. Finally it was time to get downstairs to my comfort zone. It was a challenge. Going downstairs on crutches is just a dangerous thing. Think about it. Crutches, a bad leg, and many (13 to be exact) chances to ruin it all. Mom stayed behind me while Ben was in front. Both with hands out, ready to catch me if I wobbled. We made it, and I was back on the couch where I have been since last Wednesday evening. As good as it felt to shower, it left me feeling sad, realizing how far I still have to go. I went to bed shortly after that, but woke up in that same rut.
This morning came, and even though I tried to push the tears down, they kept sneaking out. I tried to hide them from the boys, but of course, as they walked out the door to go to preschool, my goodbye began with tears. They looked at me confused, and a little sad too, but after telling them I was okay, they scurried out to the car with Ben. I napped after they left, from about 8:15 to 9:30. I woke up and had to pee. I told Mom and she helped me get up off the couch and to my walker. As I walked to the bathroom with my walker, I started in again. Mom hugged me and told me it was okay to cry. We will have ups and we will have downs. I wiped my tears, but they kept rolling for the next hour and half, until one of my best friends, Chris, walked in the door. She was just what I needed today. I cried for a few minutes while she and her girls got settled, but we quickly got talking and she was able to take my mind off feeling sorry for myself. She joked that there is really nothing I am missing outside these days. Just cold and rain. That made me feel better. At least I didn't have this surgery in the middle of spring or summer! I would really be bumming then! In the last 14 days, I have only been outside once and that was just my 2 laps around the circle in the wheelchair!
The afternoon was better, with a phone chat with another one of my best friends in Vermont. Almost an hour and half of laughing, we figured we should hang up. That again, was just what I needed on a down day. Thank you Sarah. You gave my belly a workout!
And we had more company this evening when our friends and neighbors, Rafi and Uy came by to visit. Thank you so much for the brownies! Chocolate is welcome in my house anytime!!
So I guess even on my rainiest of days, people come with sunshine. I really, truly needed you all today. Thanks for pulling me through.
On to tomorrow!
This morning came, and even though I tried to push the tears down, they kept sneaking out. I tried to hide them from the boys, but of course, as they walked out the door to go to preschool, my goodbye began with tears. They looked at me confused, and a little sad too, but after telling them I was okay, they scurried out to the car with Ben. I napped after they left, from about 8:15 to 9:30. I woke up and had to pee. I told Mom and she helped me get up off the couch and to my walker. As I walked to the bathroom with my walker, I started in again. Mom hugged me and told me it was okay to cry. We will have ups and we will have downs. I wiped my tears, but they kept rolling for the next hour and half, until one of my best friends, Chris, walked in the door. She was just what I needed today. I cried for a few minutes while she and her girls got settled, but we quickly got talking and she was able to take my mind off feeling sorry for myself. She joked that there is really nothing I am missing outside these days. Just cold and rain. That made me feel better. At least I didn't have this surgery in the middle of spring or summer! I would really be bumming then! In the last 14 days, I have only been outside once and that was just my 2 laps around the circle in the wheelchair!
The afternoon was better, with a phone chat with another one of my best friends in Vermont. Almost an hour and half of laughing, we figured we should hang up. That again, was just what I needed on a down day. Thank you Sarah. You gave my belly a workout!
And we had more company this evening when our friends and neighbors, Rafi and Uy came by to visit. Thank you so much for the brownies! Chocolate is welcome in my house anytime!!
So I guess even on my rainiest of days, people come with sunshine. I really, truly needed you all today. Thanks for pulling me through.
On to tomorrow!